How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
