you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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