Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize
