why didn't you poke me back
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
