i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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