You smell like stripper and shame
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
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