you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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