I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
