so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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