hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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