Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Randomize
