I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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