The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
