You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
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