This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
