Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
