i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize