I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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