Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
