im gay
i know
yea but for you.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
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