Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Randomize
