We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
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