Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
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Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
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