Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
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