Im at strip club and am horny
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
