just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
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I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
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