He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
