you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
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