no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Randomize
