five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Randomize