the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Randomize
