Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
