every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
