real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
