At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Randomize
