you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Randomize
