Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
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