Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Randomize
