Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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