giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
