I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
