I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
