dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize
