i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
