if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
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I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
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It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
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