if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
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OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
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how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.