White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard