Sry I called you an 8
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...