When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
All I want is dick and wine.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?