Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.