Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
