is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
