I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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