totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Randomize
