So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Randomize