I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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