My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
