I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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