I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Randomize
