let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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