Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
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