i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Randomize
