my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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