I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
lets start a swedish sibling band together
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
