never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
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