Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
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