What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
