If you're really into hairy Serbian chicks, Cleveland has a lot to offer(216): We're going to cougar night, the serbian chicks are the best aged.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize