The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
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