Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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