We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
