i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
they call him Oral-B. enough said
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Randomize
