Moan for me like Helen Keller
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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