I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Randomize
