after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Ladies don't puke and tell
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
