he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
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