Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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