I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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